i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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