Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
