he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
