Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
