the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
