Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
