I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
