Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
