Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize