my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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