We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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