please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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