I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
