I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
