you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
