Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
