the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
