I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
