dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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