Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
