Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
