you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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