he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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