I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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