I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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