lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
