I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My pussy is not your playground.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
