and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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