I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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