New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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