Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
