I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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