guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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