oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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