I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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