Where is the hickey?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
