why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
