not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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