Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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