Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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