GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
