Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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