Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
