Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize