Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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