It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
