those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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