Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
