turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
