Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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