i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
