Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
