The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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