i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
