When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
