There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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