I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
