I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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