I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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