Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize