im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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