Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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