butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize