I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
