Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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