I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
