And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
