Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just shotgunned beers for America
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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