i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
