I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize