found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
