I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
